Last week as I had a spontaneous lunch date with the hubby, we sat at a table behind a group of ladies. We were close enough to over hear their conversation (not that we were trying to). It was just one of those semi loud convos, and unfortunately we were pretty close.
As we enjoyed our lunch and having our own conversation there was a pause and on this pause these ladies, all with “good intentions”, as they all thought, started talking about a “friend” and all the negative qualities or flaws of this certain “friend”. It was sad to just hear how they became “counselors” to someone’s problem without that person even being present.
At first I was sad and hurt for the other lady that wasn’t even there to hear their thoughts nor to defend herself and I automatically went to my judgement state “how dare they?!”, you know that quick to judge and let your mind for a second think you are perfect, kind of state?! We might deny we have it, but you know it comes out sometimes.
Right after, I was hit with a big slap (figuratively speaking) and that inside voice that keeps you grounded (aka your conscience) said “ehem, excuse me, have you not been there?!” Ouch! Yes, unfortunately I have. I tried to be the indirect counselor. Taken by emotions and stupidity (harsh, I know).
Where am I going with all of this?! Thankfully I’ve learned something in life that I try to keep very alive in my life. TRANSPARENCY! So simple right?! Nope! If you think about it, we tend to fail many times in that matter. But, something so necessary in a relationship. Any type for that matter.
As friends, we think we have the right to dissect someone’s mistake or flaws without having the courtesy to go straight to that person and with love speak clearly about it. A direct eye to eye conversation. Not to others in hopes that somehow it will fix the problem, but to the actual person, where it needs to be dealt with.
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV
BE A GOOD FRIEND
- Romans 12:10-11 ESV – Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.
- Philippians 2:4 ESV – Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
- Galatians 6:2 ESV- Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
FRIENDS BUILD YOU UP & MAKE YOU STRONGER
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV – Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
- Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV – And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
- 1 Peter 4:10 ESV – As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.
- 1 John 1:9 ESV – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Remember that wise advice our parents used to repeatedly give us “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”?! Truly one of the good foundations of life.
“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Luke 6:31 ESV
Be a good friend not an indirect counselor!